girl situation, need advice

[A4speed]

ok, so ive been dating this girl for 2 weeks now, but ive known her for about 2 years. we had a talk a couple days ago, and we came up to the conclusion that we could date other people if we wanted but we wouldn't kiss or sleep with them. i know it might sound weird, but we both aren't ready to be exclusive i guess.

so she went on a date last night and she said she did something stupid and needs to talk to me. shes coming over in a few hours and i just simply have no idea what im gonna do when i hear that she did something that we agreed not to.

just curious if you guys had any advice.

[HowdyTT]

Well.... So she went on a date last night and she said she did something stupid says it all IMHO

Be prepared for the worse as that is what it seems to be. Just know that every time your heart is broken by a woman, something positive happens because of it. It only makes you put life more into perspective.

That should cover the worse possible situation, anything else shouldn't be a problem ;)

[Irish*TT*]

I would never be ok with seeing othere people. That never works.

[Cincy]

Thats never a good sign. Im a possive person so its basically all or nothing with me. If you like this girl, i would make her be with me and no one or just leave. Its more of what you want however and what you can live with. Best make up what you will do if she did this or that before she gets there

best of luck

[Cincy]

Just know that every time your heart is broken by a woman, something positive happens because of it. It only makes you put life more into perspective.



Just happened to me and still waiting on the positive. Been almost 2 months now and im finally starting to make it through the day without getting extremely sad :(

4 years with the girl, still thinks she's "the one". Love sucks

[A4speed]

yeah i know its a bad sign, the only reason i didn't become exclusive with her is because she did date a lot and she is very pretty, so its almost as if i didn't gain her trust yet and now she just hurt that situation even more... so frustrating...

[Cincy]

SInce no one has asked and you havent said, do you want to be exclusive with this girl? Is she someone you could date and trust?

[A4speed]

yeah, i definitely want to, but i haven't bc i don't trust her yet, and she didn't help that part out at all, haha.

[Cincy]

then be honest with the girl and lay it all out for her when you see her. I learned the hard way that you need to speak up and early in a relationship

[A4speed]

yeah, looks like thats what ill have to do... girls are lame.

thanks for the comments guys, my roommates aren't home yet from Christmas break so i just had to ask u guys, haha.

[HowdyTT]

Just happened to me and still waiting on the positive. Been almost 2 months now and im finally starting to make it through the day without getting extremely sad :(

4 years with the girl, still thinks she's "the one". Love sucks


As long as you turn the pain into some kind of inspiration for change than all will be OK after a while. We all get to comfortable with life, but we need a kick in the ass for us to get motivated for something great. Change is good, no matter how much it hurts.

[Cincy]

Well, i lost the weight i put on since i stopped playing soccer 2 years ago while putting on a good deal of muscle, so it isnt all bad. Been lifting one day and running the next. Use to have a bad back that limited me to about 1/2 mile and i just finished running 3.5mi just now. Im pretty happy about that since it am picking up more distance each time i go run. Low 160's is so much better than aproaching 180

[A4speed]

update:

so she came over and said that she didn't sleep with him, but they did minor stuff in her car (i didn't ask...)

she has a hard time being exclusive with someone cuz she is afraid she'll end up making a mistake and hurting that person.

it sucks being the person she likes the most but isn't willing to be 100% committed. i am just at a loss as trying to keep this thing going and trying to get her to just be with me. man, aren't girls suppose to be the ones trying to get commitments from guys... gez.

[Cincy]

Im sure we all can fill in the blanks.

If you really like this girl, tell her you want to do the exclusive thing. If she isnt willing, you should just move on since you want an exclusive thing, not this. Kind of sucks, but its what it comes down to. Just a word of advise, from what she says, she will most likely cheat on you at some point. If you ever watch House on TV, people dont change.

[A4speed]

yeah, i have that thought in my head i just didn't want to hear it, lol. she had to go to her sisters house for a quick visit, she is coming back in 30 min. and then i have to lay down the law or let go...

[Cincy]

The king says.... lay down thy law!!!

https://secure.bkcrowncard.com/images/violators/bk_crowncardTheKing_en_01.png


BEST OF LUCK!!

[Tmoney]

Hey man, sorry to hear of your troubles. I've known girls that tend to act like that, some change, some dont. Id just lay the law like you said. If she leaves, she'll be missing out on you and your Audi.

[A4speed]

^ true that, ill even tell her that! :D

[myslow1]

Hey man, sorry to hear of your troubles. I've known girls that tend to act like that, some change, some dont. Id just lay the law like you said. If she leaves, she'll be missing out on you and your Audi.

HA!
hope all works out for you man. I have been in this situation, but our relationship didnt last... If it had worked out i may not have met the one i am engaged to now... So as said all works out for the best.:D

[S4sweetee]

first of all i think it's great that she actually TOLD you that there was some "minor stuff".

however, if it were me, i'd kinda rather have it be all or nothing.
what's wrong with being exclusive as long as you both are happy with eachother.
i'd just want the truth. if you felt like you wanted to start dating around, then say so and end the relationship.

doesn't even the thought of her doing "minor stuff" kinda killing you?

[Tmoney]

like i say, "once you have some A4, the women keep coming back for more" hahah

[Cincy]

first of all i think it's great that she actually TOLD you that there was some "minor stuff".

however, if it were me, i'd kinda rather have it be all or nothing.
what's wrong with being exclusive as long as you both are happy with eachother.
i'd just want the truth. if you felt like you wanted to start dating around, then say so and end the relationship.

doesn't even the thought of her doing "minor stuff" kinda killing you?

Why cant more woman be like this! I really need to find a woman my age, no more of these early 20s girls.

Pretty sure my ex got talked into partying single by her married co-worker friend :rollseyes:

[S4sweetee]

I really need to find a woman my age, no more of these early 20s girls.


or older.

[Cincy]

Lets see, im 27 now, i dont know if i could go above 29 at this point. Think the 25-29 range should be good, but im not righting off anyone

[l88m22vette]

My g/f is almost 29, and I just turned 26...she is sort of in a hurry, but we mesh well, and neither of us want kids (when...?), we want toys :D The day I build a BT set-up in my own garage is the point where I consider my life in a pretty fine spot http://forums.snapstream.com/vb/images/smilies/cool.gif

[Tmoney]

AMEN L88m22vette, if i knew your name id use it hahah

[A4speed]

first of all i think it's great that she actually TOLD you that there was some "minor stuff".

however, if it were me, i'd kinda rather have it be all or nothing.
what's wrong with being exclusive as long as you both are happy with eachother.
i'd just want the truth. if you felt like you wanted to start dating around, then say so and end the relationship.

doesn't even the thought of her doing "minor stuff" kinda killing you?

the only reason it doesn't bother me as bad as normal is bc we weren't exclusive really. we def. talked for a little bit though and she said she would date me and no one else, that she liked me to much to not want to be with me.

so i guess ill just kind of see what happens and still maybe expect the worst. the good news is she is an honest person so if she does something she will tell me and thats when it will be finished.

why are things so complicated...:confused:

[S4sweetee]

why are things so complicated...:confused:

good question.
even with the best of intentions, it's easy for personal relationships to fall off track. it's just part of learning.
i think the older you get, the more you understand exactly what it is you're looking for in a partner, but it's still never easy.
if you have good communication, you're more likely to understand when things begin to fall apart. most relationships are not meant to last. maybe if we realized the odds each time we entered into a relationship, it would be easier to let go at the end.

one thing i've sort of found out.....as luring, exciting and blissful as it is to fall IN TO love, you must expect the same intensity of emtional pain when falling OUT OF love. (the "what goes up, must come down" theory)

so my advise: enjoy the happy times now, keep your communication open and just understand this relationship has a beginning and will therfore probably have an ending.

[Tmoney]

wow S4, you need to write a book on relationships now lol. See im only 20 so im not as deep in the love depo as most of my people on here. Yall will just have to teach me as i go haha. Right now my car is kinda like my girlfriend (minus the kinky stuff lol)..i know that what you all were thinking

[AudiTurbo]

I love my girlfriend, but before her I lived by
there are two types of girls
Sluts that sleep with everyone and
Bitches that sleep with everyone but you!

[S4sweetee]

well my opinion is that it shouldn't strictly be about sleeping with someone.
i realize the testosterone overload for some of you young pups is uncontrollable, but regardless, you should be getting something more out of a relationship than just sex.

you should be aware that even a sexual relationship has more depth than just the physical aspect. it can be much more satisfying for both partners if you are able to put more into it. you only get out of something the effort you put into it.

[A4speed]

good question.
even with the best of intentions, it's easy for personal relationships to fall off track. it's just part of learning.
i think the older you get, the more you understand exactly what it is you're looking for in a partner, but it's still never easy.
if you have good communication, you're more likely to understand when things begin to fall apart. most relationships are not meant to last. maybe if we realized the odds each time we entered into a relationship, it would be easier to let go at the end.

one thing i've sort of found out.....as luring, exciting and blissful as it is to fall IN TO love, you must expect the same intensity of emtional pain when falling OUT OF love. (the "what goes up, must come down" theory)

so my advise: enjoy the happy times now, keep your communication open and just understand this relationship has a beginning and will therfore probably have an ending.

wow, that was deep, haha :)

yeah, maybe she wont end up going out with other guys, she is way cool so i hope she doesn't do something dumb.

[Cincy]

one thing i've sort of found out.....as luring, exciting and blissful as it is to fall IN TO love, you must expect the same intensity of emtional pain when falling OUT OF love. (the "what goes up, must come down" theory)



The hardest thing is when you are still in love and there isnt anything you can do. As much as you like to hate someone, its hard for me atleast to hate someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with

[S4sweetee]

maybe so...but there was some reason why it didn't work out. are you not letting youself acknowledge that?
you realize, don't you, that when something like this happens, your mind will only allow you to remember the good things.

[Cincy]

I know what was the matter, but she never gave me the chance to work them out. It was me and the state i was in, i took the time to fix me and she didnt even wait a month for me to get back to good and work things out. Everything that was the matter with me and causing the issues have been fixed and then some, but that doesnt even matter. Just pisses me off that i did everything for her and then fixed myself and she treated me very badly with accusations of driving 650miles and doing something at our house.

[A4speed]

wow sounds intense. the song "i hate everything about you, why do i love you?" lyrics by Three Days Grace i think is kind of true. I still have feelings for this girl i loved 2 years ago. she cheated on me and i broke up with her, but i swear if she for some reason came over now i would still do a lot of things for her.

i think their are plenty girls who could be the one (theres not just one) and when you get your heart broken by one of those people, the love and feelings are still there for them. maybe im crazy :)

[Cincy]

Your not crazy, but i know im just retarded trying to fix things w/o getting the effort in return. Just sucks when you cant function because you are always wondering why this and what if i dont that. It basically consumes your day

[S4sweetee]

you'll eventually get by the "why" and "what if" when you realize those questions sometimes just never get answered.
you can't allow your mind to control you like that. that little voice in your head sometimes WANTS to create turmoil within you. you have to be stronger than that.
start understanding that the REAL person you want to love you back wouldn't have done that to you. she would have supported you and helped you.

not sure what your specific problem was, but changing yourself to make another person happy does not work.
any change you make has to be for you.

[Cincy]

The part of me that makes it hard is that i always want to know everything. I cant take not knowing why and its the main reason im still causing myself to suffer.

I know that if she really cared about me and loved me she wouldnt of treated me like that and i really dont know why i continue to put myself through this. I was down and she wasnt there for me, only pushed me away. The only reason i think i still hold on is because i was happy and more so when we moved in together. But what she has done is unforgivable and im not even sure she is going to talk to me let alone work anything out.

As for the reason why things went down, if you wanna know just send me a PM. But i had to change for myself and its what i thought she wanted aswell. When it comes to that, im happy. Work is good and im in better shape than when i was a HS Soccer player. Nothing like losing over 10lbs overall which includes me putting on a good deal of muscle weight

BTW, sorry for the shift to me, didnt mean to

[A4speed]

The part of me that makes it hard is that i always want to know everything. I cant take not knowing why and its the main reason im still causing myself to suffer.

I know that if she really cared about me and loved me she wouldnt of treated me like that and i really dont know why i continue to put myself through this. I was down and she wasnt there for me, only pushed me away. The only reason i think i still hold on is because i was happy and more so when we moved in together. But what she has done is unforgivable and im not even sure she is going to talk to me let alone work anything out.

As for the reason why things went down, if you wanna know just send me a PM. But i had to change for myself and its what i thought she wanted aswell. When it comes to that, im happy. Work is good and im in better shape than when i was a HS Soccer player. Nothing like losing over 10lbs overall which includes me putting on a good deal of muscle weight

BTW, sorry for the shift to me, didnt mean to

thread jacker! :)

nah, its cool. my situation is done and delt with. thats cool man, ive lost 12lbs in the last month or two as well, ive stopped drinking soda and exercising a lot more.

[Murderface]

and we came up to the conclusion that we could date other people if we wanted but we wouldn't kiss or sleep with them.

You know what you call that? Being friends. You know what happens when you do that with someone you're attracted to? You become more than friends. That's a really dumb arrangement, either she's going to date someone else and dump you for them or just break your agreement straight up (like she did). Either way you're screwed.

update:

so she came over and said that she didn't sleep with him, but they did minor stuff in her car (i didn't ask...)

she has a hard time being exclusive with someone cuz she is afraid she'll end up making a mistake and hurting that person.

Hmm, so she's so afraid of hurting you that she's gonna screw around with other dudes? LOL bitch please!

it sucks being the person she likes the most but isn't willing to be 100% committed. i am just at a loss as trying to keep this thing going and trying to get her to just be with me. man, aren't girls suppose to be the ones trying to get commitments from guys... gez.

I hate to say it but you won't get a commitment out of her, from my experience you can't change girls that are like that. She's most likely trying to have you hang around kinda like a boyfriend while still retaining her single lifestyle.

Sounds to me like she's not good for anything but a casual f-buddy at best, that is if you don't mind her running around with other dudes as well. If you're looking for a legit relationship...bail.

Then again I don't know the situation beyond what you've explained and I don't know her as a person...it just sounds to me like she's stupid or purposefully mean and doesn't care what she does to guys. The second one sucks and the first one...well...in the words of Ron White:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61FGXJ8V75L._SL500_AA240_.jpg

[A4speed]

^ you made me sad :( lol. yeah things are still kind of the same...

[Murderface]

lol I figured...but some girls are just like that and you have to realize what you're dealing with and what you're in for. I honestly wouldn't deal with it and I'd just find a girl who'll cut the BS.

[Cincy]

lol I figured...but some girls are just like that and you have to realize what you're dealing with and what you're in for. I honestly wouldn't deal with it and I'd just find a girl who'll cut the BS.

x2

Delt with a girl that was this way. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you dont want to be hurt, dont be a fall back guy either

[A4speed]

well, theres another update:

she told me she was fine with not dating anyone else but she liked this one guy and always has for awhile now apparently. she wants to see if theres any interest there before we date seriously to get him off her mind...

i told her to go do her thing, and i totally went out with a different chick tonight. i just wonder whats going through her head. shes hanging on by threads still, just barely... mainly cuz im interested to see what happens.

[Cincy]

Your a stronger guy than i do deal with all this from a girl.

[Murderface]

she told me she was fine with not dating anyone else but she liked this one guy and always has for awhile now apparently. she wants to see if theres any interest there before we date seriously to get him off her mind...

lol again, I wouldn't take that kind of crap. "I like you...but I really like this dude too and I don't like you enough to drop him. So I'm gonna go mess around with this dude first. If he's not that great, I'll just fall back on you. If I start not being happy with you I'm gonna fall back on him then. In the meantime I'll keep talking to him while we're dating and hang out with him since I'll figure out that I wanna be 'just friends' with him making it perfectly fine for us to hang out alone whenever you're at work or busy."

Sorry to be the pessimist voice here lol but there's girls out there that shamelessly think that way.

i told her to go do her thing, and i totally went out with a different chick tonight. i just wonder whats going through her head. shes hanging on by threads still, just barely... mainly cuz im interested to see what happens.

Good move...if you really want a relationship you're better off with a different girl.

[A4speed]

yeah, idk why i can't quite let go...

i see all the silliness but i just don't wanna call it quits. i hate that...

[beefiveafour]

ahhh man i have been here a few times.

listen if its meant to be it will happen. ive had girls pull the same sh!t, so when we would hang out(parties ect.) i would just bring another girl w/ me. jealousy works amazingly w/ girls, as long as your not an ass about it. i usually just hang out w/ the other girl, dont rub it in anyones face, but have a good time. then when if she goes to the bathroom or anything like that 9 outta 10 times the girl you want will come up to you just to 'talk'. again you cant be an ass about it, just play it cool. ive had other girls that say they just wanna be friends, but still h/u and w/e and that works out good too as long as your not a jealous person. my best friend and i mess around all the time if we are both single, but if one of us isnt, we still hang out and double date and sh!t like that. as long as your not a jealous person this works.

and since im not sure if any of that makes sense just remember this, if its meant to be it will happen, if you force it, your setting yourself up for dissappointment. when guys are jealous it usually ends up bad, you either look like an ass or push that person further away from you, when girls are jealous, it usually works in your favor as long as your not a dick about it and point it out, or make it obvious.

[beefiveafour]

yeah, idk why i can't quite let go...

i see all the silliness but i just don't wanna call it quits. i hate that...

and about this, you will get over it over time, esp if you find a new girl. just dont let this girl get in the way of any other possible relationships, just casue she wants you to wait, dosent mean you have to. :rolleyes:

[A4speed]

haha for sure, i am actually leaning towards doing that. im not to jealous, but a little, i just don't know how all this can be going through her head. thats why i havne't quite given up yet...

[beefiveafour]

easily. girls are crazy like that. ive had friends that have told me how they like to keep someone on the side when their single, just so they dont have to be 'alone'.

[Quattroism25]

I say you cut this chick loose, even if you really like her. Either shes playing you or she doesn't know what she really wants and you're not helping because you're not setting the ground rules. Yea that "what if" is gonna bug you for a while but never be anyone's rebound.

[A4speed]

^ good point :)

[A4speed]

update:

haha, i flat out told her tonight that she has to date me exclusively or im not gonna take it anymore. she told me that she was ready for that i told me im amazing compared to all the guys shes dated. kind of suprised me, i was totally expecting it to end... :)

so i guess we'll see what happens.

[Murderface]

Whoah nice, way to stand up to her, now make sure she keeps her word lol.

[A4speed]

^ haha yeah no kidding. she is a really cool girl though and has been very honest with me, so atleast if something happens ill no pretty quick and ill say cya.

[225ttroadster]

it is all about comprimise. I have been dating my GF for over 5 years. We can't even fight anymore with out bursting out laughing at each other. We do things just to aggrivate each other and we love it. We are best friends and are so much stronger then alot of couples around us.

[A4speed]

we broke up, im single again!

im actually way happier then i thought i was going to be. i guess i can be on the forums even more now :D

[Cincy]

I guess it doesnt take long getting over 10day relationships :lol:

[A4speed]

haha, yeah pretty much :)

[S4sweetee]

we broke up, im single again!

im actually way happier then i thought i was going to be.

actually, that's a good thing.
don't beat yourself up over this girl.

you're supposed to be with people that make you feel good. it seems like she was always making you feel inferior to other guys.

[myslow1]

this threads still going on???

sounds like you need to go out and get some strange:tt2: LOL

[A4speed]

^ lol, already done :)

haha, the threads been done. s4sweetee just hasn't been on audifreaks for a week or so it looks like and shes catching up with her advice/opinion.

and yeah, i am freaking happy since i broke up with her, i was always worried and wondering what was gonna happen when we get together! thanks for all your thoughts and advice.